


A Prayer for Which No Words Exist

by mordredslullabies



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:12:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2417978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mordredslullabies/pseuds/mordredslullabies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a small, sweet scene about what I think happened between Kieren and Simon after Kieren goes au natural in episode 2x04.<br/>Or rather, Simon can't get over the fact Kieren is the first risen, and Kieren sick of being too afraid to take chances.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Prayer for Which No Words Exist

**Author's Note:**

> It's come to my attention that this fanfic story of mine has been uploaded onto ebooks-tree.com without my permission. PLEASE do not post any of my material onto another site without my permission. It took me a long time and a lot of hard work to do what I do, even if it may not seem like it, and it really discourages and hurts me that someone would take what I've written and put it on another site without consulting me first. If you write fanfic, I would seriously consider checking the site to see if your own work is on there. Please PLEASE don't post any of my stuff anywhere else. I don't want to have to delete and/or stop publishing works on here.

_“You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you.  And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shovelled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired.  You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for.”_

_-Richard Siken, “You Are Jeff”_

 

Simon stares, brain still reeling, trying to wrap his head around the fact that it’s Kieren. Kieren is the first risen. Beautiful Kieren, who shines so bright with potential that sometimes it makes Simon heart hurt. He should have known from the start. From the second he met Kieren in the graveyard, Simon knew he was special. There was something about Kieren that nagged at him. Kieren was always something special. The way he spoke, the way he moved…he was different from the other undead Simon had met. He was something more.

He stares as Kieren wipes off the mousse from his face and looks back at Simon, pin prick eyes full of fear. The thing is, Simon’s never seen Kieren au natural. Kieren’s always covered up with layers of mousse, his contacts faithfully in, because Kieren’s been brainwashed. It’s Roarton; the town infected his mind with their prejudice. Simon’s not privy to all the details of Kieren’s life: how he covers up the mirror with a towel because he can’t stand to see the way he looks now. How he sleeps with his contacts in and always has extra mousse because he doesn’t want to stand out, he wants to be normal, he wants to fit in. Kieren wants to keep his head down and make as little noise as possible because going back to the person he used to be was easier than admitting to himself that he’s changed now. He’s undead. He’s something new.

And Simon…Simon always thought Kieren was beautiful. But staring at him now, bare and vulnerable, watching Kieren’s eyes shift and his mouth tremble, his breaths quicken, his hands furl and unfurl into nervous little balls…Simon’s never thought Kieren looked more beautiful than he does at this very moment. He’s overwhelmed by Kieren’s beauty. He’s drowning in awe and adoration of the scared little boy in front of him.

And Simon doesn’t know what to do or say, so he takes Kieren’s hips into his hands, pulls him close. He lets their forehead touch. Simon can’t bear to close his eyes, to lose sight of how precious Kieren is to him. He just stands there, fingers making tiny circles on Kieren’s hips. Their breaths intermingle. Simon feels Kieren’s fingers tighten in his hair, tug gently.

“You’re beautiful,” he tells Kieren. “So beautiful.”

Kieren scoffs, but there’s a soft sort of smile on his lips, as if maybe he believes Simon just a little bit. “I’m not beautiful,” he says. “I’m just me.”

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers again, and then he kisses Kieren, slow, sweet. He wants the moment to last. He almost can’t breathe, with Kieren’s mouth on his. With his body slated against his, soft and pliable.

He keeps kissing Kieren, and he can feel Kieren’s hands tighten in his hair, and he can feel his own hands pulling Kieren closer to him. And then Kieren makes a soft noise, like a small moan, and Simon is gone for. Simon’s nibbling on Kieren’s lower lip and panting into his mouth. He can feel heat, a fire in his lower belly.

He’s somewhat amazed he can have a libido in his undead state. Since he’s risen, he hasn’t felt any sexual desire. He thought it wasn’t something he could have back, that feeling. He didn’t think he’d ever need it again. He’s not sure he’s felt anything his real ever before. Back before his death, he’d slept with lots of people, countless of men and women. He’s not sure he ever really felt anything for them. Sometimes he had sex with them because he thought that’s what you were supposed to do when you were attracted to them. Later on it was just sex in order to score drugs, or sex on drugs in order to do something that felt good. But this, with Kieren now, it’s more than just the possibility of having sex with a beautiful man, it’s more than just an attraction, or a reaction to the way Kieren feels. It’s more like love than anything Simon’s ever felt, and he’s so amazed at it, because he still can’t believe someone like Kieren would ever want to be with someone like him.

But here they are, two lost boys, scars and stories and lives and reasons for their own death, and they’re so alike in ways, and so different than others. And Simon knows they deserve each other. Kieren is more than him, he’s the first risen, he seems to shine brighter than anything else in Roarton does. But Simon knows now that he’s special, too. He was chosen by the Prophet. He was granted an important task. People put their faith in him and he loved that feeling of others being able to depend on him, and every time Kieren looks at him like he hangs the moon Simon knows that he’s special too, and he deserves every good thing his undead like has to offer.

Kieren pulls back slightly from him. His eyes gradually open and he stares up at Simon for a few moments. Simon just stares back, waiting for Kieren to say something. They look at each other, and Simon’s soaking in Kieren’s new look, and he thinks he’ll never get enough at how beautiful Kieren’s true face is, and he’s waiting, hoping he looks encouraging.

Kieren licks his lips and finally breaks eye contact. “I’ve never…done anything like this before,” he finally says.

“It’s okay,” Simon tells him.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, if I’m being honest.”

Simon nods. “We don’t have to if—”

“No,” Kieren cuts him off. “No, I want to. I don’t want to be scared of anything anymore. I don’t even know what I’m so terrified of half the time. I’m done being scared. I just want to make something of my new life.”

“Okay,” Simon says. He takes Kieren’s hand in his and pulls him away from the mirror, from the chest with the discarded contacts and the cloth with the mousse on it. He walks him over to the bed and sits at the edge, waiting for Kieren to be comfortable, to make the first move. Kieren leans in to him and their lips meet, and they move from an upright position to lying down, sprawled across the bed. And Kieren fits so well into the nooks of Simon’s body, and their bodies entangle with each other perfectly, and they’re so close together and Kieren’s kissing him with a ferocity he’s never felt before, and it’s like nothing Simon thought it would be, but it’s somehow so much better.

 

Sometime later, after their breathing has calmed down and they’ve cleaned themselves up a bit, Kieren snuggles back into Simon’s arms. Simon places a kiss on Kieren’s head, then lays his chin on it. “Simon?” Kieren asks.

Simon hums in acknowledgment.

“I’m glad it was with you,” he says, and Simon knows what he means.

Simon doesn’t say anything for a bit. And then he says, “When Amy told me about you and Rick, I just assumed you two were…together.”

“We were. Sort of. But not like that. Rick’s dad...he were something else. Didn’t like Rick going anywhere near me. Things with Rick got real complicated, because he always thought he had something to prove. He wanted his dad to be proud of him, so be conformed to what he thought he should be. But when he was with me, just us two…he was different. He was funny and sweet. And I thought he liked me back, but he kept saying we couldn’t be together until all this stuff with his dad blew over.”

Kieren breathed heavily in and out for a few seconds. His voice is smaller when he speaks again. “And then just like that he was off in the Army and next thing I know he’s missing in action and I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.”

Simon’s arms tighten around Kieren instinctively in an effort to comfort him. “I’m very sorry you lost him,” he says, meaning it with all his heart.

“Me too,” Kieren says. “I think he could have done something great with his new life.”

“I’m sure he would have.”

They’re silent for a few more minutes before Kieren speaks again. “I know I asked you this before, but why didn’t you just tell Amy you weren’t interested in her that way? I feel bad that it’s me who ended up with you instead of her.”

“I didn’t want her to feel unloved. I’ve never met anyone like her before. She became very dear to me. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting her. And maybe a part of me wanted to feel that way for her. Amy deserves something good; I didn’t want to let her down.”

He can feel Simon’s small chuckle. “You’re a good person, Simon Monroe.”

He chuckles back. “Oh, I don’t know about that.”

Kieren turns around to face Simon, looks into his pin prick eyes. “I do. You’re a good person, even when you do some not so good things.”

And then Kieren kisses him gently for a moment. And then he puts his head against Simon’s chest. And Simon’s never felt more at home as he listens to Kieren’s breathing, as he feels the coldness of his body, the texture of skin pressed against skin. He’s never felt more worthy of anything in his life.

 

He waits. He waits until Kieren’s fast asleep, his breathing evened out. He watches Kieren’s face, so peaceful in slumber, his long lashes fluttering against his cheek. Simon carefully slides his arm out from under Kieren’s sleeping form and finds his clothes strewn on the floor. He quietly pulls them on and heads for the bedroom door. He takes one last look at Kieren—Kieren’s his, he gets to cherish him—and smiles briefly before he leaves the room and out of the bungalow into the night air. He walks to the phone booth and dials the number. He’s found the first risen. He’s done something to be proud of. The Prophet entrusted him with a mission and now, after so much searching, Simon’s finally done something useful and did what the Prophet asked of him.

There’s that smile on his face and a bit of wonder in his voice as he relays his message. And now, finally, Simon’s done something right. The second rising will occur and maybe things would be okay now. Simon can forget what he did to his mum. He can forget the drugs and the testing and the scars, because none of that matters anymore. He’s got Kieren and Amy and his new family of undead followers, and he’s going to set things right. He’s finally going to get his happy ending.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for skipping the sex scene. I'm actually sex repulsed (though you probably didn't need to know that) and I've literally had this document open on my laptop for two weeks trying to write a sex scene I liked and that I didn't cringe at and I couldn't do it. I think this holds fine without the actual details. And you can always come up with your own. I tried. Sorry.


End file.
